Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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