I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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