he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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