Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your cock deserves a montage
You can't just leave with hair like that
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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