I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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