just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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