I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
