Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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