i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
