it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
