She is in my trunk
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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