Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
