I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
