I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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