saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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