I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
