Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
