I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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