He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
