You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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