I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
