She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
