He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
