I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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