mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
