It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
