I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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