is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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