Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
