what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
