Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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