I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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