some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
