chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
