I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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