based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
