STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All the doctor said was why
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
