Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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