would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
