what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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