My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
