Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
