break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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