It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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