My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
