you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
