So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
