This girl is more easily done than said...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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