I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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