About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
