Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
