plz talk dirty to me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
