i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
