everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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