just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
