We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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