Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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