I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
